Another Day in Paradise

It was 1:30 PM Philippine Time. I was riding on a bus on my way to Baclaran. I was listening to music using my cheap CD-R King mp3 player. I was feeling grateful at the same time for having freed myself from someone who could have almost deceived me (sigh). I was sitting beside a guy my age on my left and on his left was a girl. Along Coastal Mall, a grungy old man entered the bus where I was riding. His shirt was faded as if worn out by the antiquity of aeons and by countless times of dressing and undressing it to his wrinkled body. He carried with him a red box with name imprinted on it 'NFWU'. He placed it under a passenger's seat and began to pose himself in the aisle, in front of us. Before he started speaking, an unexplained interest on what he's going to say stirred me up to focus my attention to him. I turned off my cheap mp3 player, removed the headset from both my ears, and listened to him attentively.

He began to speak. A voice coming from an old man, a voice which resembled sincerity in his words. He raised the unjust flow of system when bus drivers are left in jail while the rich bus owners do nothing to somehow help both the victim and the driver. In him I saw conviction. I want to somehow lend a hand in some small way I can.

He needed money. In his looks, I think he'll use it for their 'Unyon' as he named it. I believe him. If he was lying, then I still think he needed a few bucks to somehow survive in this dog-eat-dog world.

I feel lucky, indeed, because although my pocket is not overflowing with dinero, I still have a place to get home to, sufficient pay to feed myself every working day, decent clothes to wear, and a warm bedsheet to rest...

It was conviction which triggered most of the passengers to donate a few bucks to him. Each coin echoed in that box as if trying to promise another day for him...

One passenger continued reading a book not caring about the old man. It was 30 August 2006, pay day. What is a few bucks for a pay day - if only I could ask that guy! But of course, he has his own business to chase.

Upon reaching the overpass in Baclaran, I had to leave. It was another day for me. I know I still have a place to go home to by the end of my shift :-) What is a few bucks, anyway!?


She calls out to the man on the street
sir, can you help me?
Its cold and Ive nowhere to sleep,
Is there somewhere you can tell me?

He walks on, doesnt look back
He pretends he cant hear her
Starts to whistle as he crosses the street
Seems embarrassed to be there

Oh think twice, its another day for
You and me in paradise
Oh think twice, its just another day for you,
You and me in paradise

She calls out to the man on the street
He can see shes been crying
Shes got blisters on the soles of her feet
Cant walk but shes trying

Oh think twice...

Oh lord, is there nothing more anybody can do
Oh lord, there must be something you can say

You can tell from the lines on her face
You can see that shes been there
Probably been moved on from every place
cos she didnt fit in there

Oh think twice...

"Another Day in Paradise" sung by Phil Collins

Sleepy yet awake

I feel so sleepy... I'm assigned to think of a name for the pioneer team in Tech Support for our company, Sutherland. It has to be a city name in the UK. Should it be Wolverhampton, as in wolverine? Highland, as in highlander? or Sunderland, as in Sutherland!? Hehe... Maybe I'd reserve Sunderland if I become a supervisor someday My teamates don't like the latter. We could receive a loyalty award for that! But I'm loyal, am I not?

I'm so disappointed

Okay, I'll try to write as calm as I can. It's 1.04 AM. Yesterday was his birthday. For 1 whole month that I've known him, he was saying all the sweet things in the world, was even talking about marriage. Even using God's name... Upon checking his account, a different version has alarmed me.

He saved all my messages in his celphone. Most of my messages dominated his inbox. He never erased them. The very first message I sent him was still in his inbox. He admitted his feelings to me after meeting up in Festi recently. This guy was my old friend back in college...

....But why is this girl calling him "Mahal" just yesterday in his Friendster testimonial?...

If he's telling the truth that he's not committed with anyone, then why are those testimonials flooding his account - dated just yesterday?

I am surprised. Could this girl continue squeezing herself to him? Is this girl aware that the guy he's in love with is making move toward me? Even talking about marriage!?

Good thing I'm not yet in love with him. I remember what I told Che - my friend in Laguna - I told him I am wiser now, unlike before.

Probably this Saturday, I'll join June (my girl friend in Church) and the rest of my friends in Singles for Victory Cup - instead of spending the evening with Him.

He told me he'll drop by our home tomorrow to accompany me on my way to work. He said that 2 days ago. I'm not expecting anything from him, but if we'd see each other tomorrow, I'll ask him why he's making moves when his Friendster account reveals his situation.

The girl is still calling him "Mahal"...

I am a Christian

I am a Christian... but being a Christian doesn't mean I'm not susceptible to anger. I still am... Being a Christian doesn't mean I don't lose my patience. I still do. Being a Christian doesn't mean I don't get vexed. I still do.

I admit I am a Christian because I admit that I am a sinner. I have stumbled many times in my life. I have hurt a lot of people in my life. I uttered hurtful words. I have screamed songs of hatred. It's just that I am willing to change and that I am ready to admit that I cannot change in my own will. I am not righteous, I am not perfect. It's just that I have opened my arms to try to do things that could be pleasing to the one who created me.

Being a Christian doesn't mean I have a beautiful life. It's just that I'm willing to see the beautiful side of life. Being a Christian doesn't separate me in this world. I still am part of this world. It's just that I chose not to be drowned in this world.

There is more to life than what the naked eyes can see. One day I wish to go to heaven... with my family, with people I loved, I hurt, who hurt me, who hated me...

I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth have passed away, and the sea is no more. I saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready like a bride adorned for her husband.

I heard a loud voice out of heaven saying, "Behold, God's dwelling is with people, and he will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.

He will wipe away from them every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; neither will there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, any more. The first things have passed away."

He who sits on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." He said, "Write, for these words of God are faithful and true."

He said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give freely to him who is thirsty from the spring of the water of life.

He who overcomes, I will give him these things. I will be his God, and he will be my son.

But for the cowardly, unbelieving, sinners, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their part is in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death."

One of the seven angels who had the seven bowls, who were loaded with the seven last plagues came, and he spoke with me, saying, "Come here. I will show you the wife, the Lamb's bride."

He carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the holy city, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, having the glory of God. Her light was like a most precious stone, as if it was a jasper stone, clear as crystal; having a great and high wall; having twelve gates, and at the gates twelve angels; and names written on them, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel.

On the east were three gates; and on the north three gates; and on the south three gates; and on the west three gates.

The wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them twelve names of the twelve Apostles of the Lamb.

He who spoke with me had for a measure, a golden reed, to measure the city, its gates, and its walls.

The city lies foursquare, and its length is as great as its breadth. He measured the city with the reed, Twelve thousand twelve stadia. Its length, breadth, and height are equal.

Its wall is one hundred forty-four cubits, by the measure of a man, that is, of an angel.

The construction of its wall was jasper. The city was pure gold, like pure glass.

The foundations of the city's wall were adorned with all kinds of precious stones. The first foundation was jasper; the second, sapphire; the third, chalcedony; the fourth, emerald; the fifth, sardonyx; the sixth, sardius; the seventh, chrysolite; the eighth, beryl; the ninth, topaz; the tenth, chrysoprasus; the eleventh, jacinth; and the twelfth, amethyst.

The twelve gates were twelve pearls. Each one of the gates was made of one pearl. The street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass.

I saw no temple in it, for the Lord God, the Almighty, and the Lamb, are its temple.

The city has no need for the sun, neither of the moon, to shine, for the very glory of God illuminated it, and its lamp is the Lamb.

The nations will walk in its light. The kings of the earth bring the glory and honor of the nations into it.

Its gates will in no way be shut by day (for there will be no night there), and they shall bring the glory and the honor of the nations into it so that they may enter.

There will in no way enter into it anything profane, or one who causes an abomination or a lie, but only those who are written in the Lamb's book of life.

Will my name be written in the Lamb's book of life? I want to. I want my name be written there. I want my name to be written by the hand of the One who created me. I want myself to be there. I want my Mom and Dad to be there. I want my sisters to be there. I want my friends to be there. I want my enemies to be there.... Someday when we know Him better.

If there's one Man I know who truly kept His promise, it's Him, my Lord.

I'll continue holding on to Him. His promise shall never fail me. I know...

Malas :-(

Today would be one of my 'malas' days. Actually, this is the only time I'm becoming absent-minded again. I feel so worried, so anxious...

I was supposed to apply for Smart Bro (internet connection) but then I didn't bring my SSS number, and didn't have my ID with me. They got a promo from 15 August until 15 September (my birthday!). They'll be waiving the installation fee so that would make it Php999 only! I need too badly an internet connection from our PC. I'll be needin' it for my new position in Suth. I need to research a lot, study a lot, and decorate this brain with huge know-how for tech support.

I bought one CD from 'Sukdulang Kuripot' for PHP -> that's very unrelated for my new work. I just thought about adding some spice into this almost rotten brain I got. Guess what!? He gave me 2 extra CD's! I got it for only Php200.00. He deserves a super positive feedback in eBay.

Going back to Smart Bro, had I not lost my phone, I could've already applied for the internet connection today. Had I brought my ID, SSS, and TIN number, the chances of laying the downpayment to them could've already been done the earlier.

My bedroom is a disaster! Probably if there's an award for the 'Most Topsy-Turvy Room', then that trophy could've been given to me.

I woke up early today cuz I got lotsa things to do. I still have to wash my clothes. Washing my clothes alone eats 4 hours of my time. Two days of rest days for me ain't enough! I still haven't washed my clothes. I still haven't fixed my room. *Rmn was expecting my presence in his church today, but couldn't make myself present cuz I wasn't feeling very well. He's not my boyfriend, we're friends and there are lotsa reasons why I couldn't give that 'yes'. Tuesday would be his birthday, still got no gift for him. Sobrang daming dapat gawin, pero 'kulang sa oras.' Sigh...

Yesterday I bought clothes for myself and buying clothes for myself took more than 6 hours of my Saturday...

I also have to see my doc for consultation...

I'm too busy.

Sigh...

I need a breather.

Oh, Lord, please help me fix my schedule.

My Mom.. I miss her.. I miss my parents. I'm too busy for myself that I tend to ignore them sometimes, I mean 'a lot of times'.

Weeh

I'm so glad I'm gaining new friends through blogging. Within this month, I'll be applying for internet access at home. Weeh. Tomorrow is pay day! Wooh, today is 15th, so later this day we'll be receiving our pay.

Good news, I've been accepted to Tech Support position in our company. So, is still there a reason to resign?

I'm not sure, but so far I'm enjoying my work.

By the way, I got a new friend. You may visit his blog Out of My Hat.

This is Palawan

Here's my wildest escapade!

If there's one place I would like to go to, it would be Palawan - the paradise in the Philippines (O_o)



I should get to Palawan before I ever reach the age of 29!

Just a short update

Tonight might be my interview for Tech Support in this company.

There are still a lot of things I have to consider.... I think I won't resign...

Gotta go!

The Room

I'll try to update this blog at least once a week. There is one article I have seen which I consider as one of the best write-ups ever made ;-) Wanna share it with you guys and hope that you will be carried away same way I was.

THE ROOM by Joshua Harris

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “Girls I Have Liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I Have Betrayed.”

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. “Books I Have Read,” “Lies I Have Told,” “Comfort I Have Given,” “Jokes I Have Laughed At.” Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I’ve Yelled at My Brothers.” Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I Have Done in My Anger,” “Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.” I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 20 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked “Songs I Have Listened To,” I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked “Lustful Thoughts,” I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: “No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!” In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore “People I Have Shared the Gospel With.” The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

“No!” I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was “No, no,” as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished.”

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.


By Joshua Harris. Orginally published in New Attitude Magazine © Copyright New Attitude 1995
You have permission to reprint this in any form. We only ask that you include the appropriate copyright byline.

Wanna listen to a gospel music?

Simply click the play button and please be patient as the action is being loaded.

Recovery

I jus finished writing my resignation letter. It was the same resignation letter I submitted to Convergys, but for a different reason.

Stupid as it may sound, I worked here to forget the past...to try to carry on and forget the heartache. It was January when I resigned from Cvg. It was March 11 when I started my training here in Sutherland. Five months I've been here was indeed a free struggle to move on. I couldn't forget him while I'm in Cvg. I had to change my environment, work at a differnt place, and get used to a place where he could also be found.

I changed my number. I slowed down in texting him. Ignored his friendster message. It was not very easy but I knew I had to be braver this time. I knew that the tears I have shed will bring a fruit to be able to move on. I found his letter to God in my bag. I found the letter I made to him a few years ago which I failed to send him...when we were still 'one'. Tears flooded my eyes again. Instead of informing him what I got, I cried a prayer to God and asked for the pain to be taken away, to be washed away, to vanish, to disappear. I asked for God's hand to touch me, to guide my hands not to do what could not be pleasing to Him. I've travelled quite far. I should be serious not to go back again. If I would find a way to communicate with Him, I would just end up disappointing myself.

I would not forget the last time we spoke on phone. I will never forget all the things he told me. I regret nothing for telling him what I felt cuz those were mere truth. The words he uttered served as a challenge for me to trudge the road alone. The words he uttered served as a reminder which kept on echoing whenever I felt like I can't carry on any longer. The words he uttered have become a sign from Heaven that we have to end it. I never regret that night I told him everything he needed to know. I never regret when I finally hung up and never called again. I do not regret anything.

For five months, I tried NOT to speak so much about him in my blog. I just sang a song which could both resonate and veil the emotions I got. I simply sang a song, not to deny what I felt, but to let go of what I have kept. I used to see him with angst. I used to remember him with a painful memory... But now, I think, he's just a good memory. A memory I do not want to reminisce anymore because we both know it's no good. (Ironic how a good memory could not be a good thing to reminisce!). A memory I will just bury in the ground and think that it was just a dream. I do not hate him anymore... Slowly, I am learning how to forgive.

Five months could be compared to a speed of light, but those five months were filled with gloomy air everytime I get home from work. The mp3 songs that were playing on my Nano were trying hardly to efface what I felt. I thought those songs could help me. Somehow they did, but then in the end, there is still 'One' thing that will really help you surrender every worldy desire that is dwelling in you.

I wanted to be wild, but then I realized if I would ruin my life, I only sank the bar and proclaimed that I'm the loser of my own game. I knew I had to find the Man I used to talk with. The Man I used to cry my tears to. The Man who always offered a shoulder and who carried me when everything seems so heavy. The day before I realized I had chicken pox, I was thinking about permanently embedding a tattoo on my body. Temptations were dancing around me as if luring me to taste them... By the grace of God, He blocked every evil in my sight. He was not the one who gave that chicky chicky pox! That disease was the consequence of my own negligence and disobedience... to Him.

Eden told me that God is a good God and He'll never teach me a lesson by afflicting me with sickness. June told me that I should not worry because 'mawawala din yang chicken pox mo.' Anma advised me to consult a doctor so that he can prescribe a medicine for me.

Within three weeks, I lay in bed... Within three weeks, I studied HTML, xHTML, and CSS... Within three weeks, I realized how God loves me still.

I will be resigning in Sutherland for two reasons: (1) I want to pursue the career i really really really want. Whatever that is, sa 'min na lang muna ni Lord yon. (2) Second, takot na ko sa sobrang holdapan dito sa Makati.

I thought there were just two reasons... Well, there is this last reason. I am resigning because finally I have fully accepted that I and my ex are not bound to be together. I have accepted it and it's not like before when deep inside I was hurting.

I think I did the right thing. I think it was right that I cried for JC (Jesus Christ)... cuz if I asked to be rescued by darkness, I know I will never feel the light today...worse, I might not be able to recover.

I love my life. I want to live longer. I know I still have a lot of things to do. I realized how great it feels to fall for Jesus Christ. He is Someone who will never abandon you in spite of the heartaches you gave Him. I don't want to hurt Him again. I don't want to cause HIm to weep again. I don't want to let go of Him anymore. I love Him...because He loved me first.

I will resign to Sutherland and Im praying that He will help me find that job He wants for me.

Thy will be done, My Lord. I will follow you now... Just don't let go...